I’m feeling more depressed right now than I normally am.  All I really want, honestly, is a boyfriend.  I’ve never had one before, probably, in my opinion, becuase I’m not cute.  But that isn’t the point.

In the entire world, that’s the only thing I want.

In the entire world, that’s the only thing it seems I can’t have.
I’m sure it’s because I have someone like you and we understand each other
That I can overcome anything
So just hold me and don’t ever let me go

(Namie Amuro ; I WILL)

That’s what I want …

I’m not sure why, but it really just seems like I shouldn’t be allowed to have a boyfriend.  And my friends, when I get depressed, just seem to ignore what I have to say.

Four Scenes of Love and Laughter

I’ll be alright being alone

(Namie Amuro ; Four Seasons)

This song, I can’t really relate to … It shows exactly how I don’t feel.  I can’t be alone … I hate it.  I hate having nobody I can be completely and totally honest with.  I hate the fact that there’s nobody I can tell everything.

I just want somebody I can hold and someone to hold me.  Someone I can support and someone who cna support me.  Someone I can love, and who can love me.

That’s really, in the entire world, all I want …

I started crying before.  I just couldn’t stop the tears from overflowing, and my friends aren’t helping in the least.  The only things they say are either stupid and completely unreleated, or they just say stuff that doesn’t help.  Either that or they ignore me completely.

I wonder what it is about me that everyone hates?

I escaped from the reality
Escaped from all the pain
I said to myself
“I’ll be my ideal self some day
Though I’m far from that now”

After such excuses, my eyes were opened
What I could do was only to live in the present time

(Ayumi Hamasaki ; walking proud)